the exotic card: novelty vs. individuality

“When I was here many years ago to visit a girl I was once involved with, I remember her telling me how sexist the society was, and how subservient women were expected to be. From what I’ve seen so far, I don’t think much has changed. It’s no wonder women would have difficulty knowing what they really want or feel in a relationship. And I can understand why so many here are curious to experience ‘love’ with someone from another culture; to be treated with a different degree of respect is foreign.” (p.243)

I’ve met loads of people over the years who had meeting exotic locals during their vacation at the top of their to-do list. But what many people who have grown up in cities full of different races and faces don’t realize until they jump off the plane, is that when you enter a country dominated by one or two ethnicities, it’s the foreigner who becomes the exotic treasure to be had.

I’ve been to countries where most girls walking by will smile at me, and when I interact with them, whether as a sales assistant in a shop, or when they come and talk to me while I relax in a park, they insist on giving me their numbers, and don’t believe me when I tell them I have no phone. And I’ve met lots of girls who fall into the same situation while travelling, only some of the guys can be much more aggressive and intrusive to say the least.

When you find yourself as the centre of attention and admiration, it can be flattering at first, and appealing if you’re looking to have fun with as many people as possible. But after a while, if you do meet someone who seems a little more special than the others, you have to ask yourself: are they really interested in me, or the opportunity I represent?

I’ve had this conversation with female friends, who have said that in their experiences, many people are just looking for a visa and passport out of their country, and they’re willing to do anything to get it. I’ve also met a lot of people who have asked me to get them a foreigner boyfriend or girlfriend, with nothing more than the person being from another continent as criteria (in Japan, one of my friends did ask me to find someone like me, who would treat her better than the types of guys referred to in the book excerpt above).

There are also scores of guys flocking to Asia, for example, to find women who take care of them in ways that resemble American life in the fifties. And there are more than enough girls who are happy to fulfill these guys’ dreams, so it sounds like a sensible match, and who are we to judge?

In my life, I’m always intrigued by the beautiful features and cultures we find on foreign soil. But for me, it’s an individual’s unique ability to get to know me with words and common interests that holds my attention once the infatuation has worn off. No matter where I am, I look for quality connections with people, and try not to stereotype or generalize (as I have to get some points of view across in this post).

Yet still, even when I feel confident that a girl likes me for me, I’ve sometimes found myself wondering in the back of my mind: does she really appreciate me for who I am,  or am I easily replaced by the next foreigner who comes along on vacation?